Fat acceptance vs. rules

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SorchaRei
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Fat acceptance vs. rules

Post by SorchaRei »

One of my posts was recently edited because I out the actual number of my weight under a tw. I want to start by saying that I now understand the site rule better and will abide by it. I am not upset by having been corrected, but rather am grateful that this is a community where this sort of thing is handled gracefully and matter of factly.

That being said, I have realized over the last couple hours that the zero tolerance for stating numbers, even umder tw mirrors my experience in the world as a fat woman who feels unable to say "I weigh X pounds" because X is so far out of what most people consider acceptable that for years I LIED to health care providers who asked "what do you weigh?" By saying "I don't know" when I did know perfectly well.

For me, and me only, being able to say "I weigh X" has been an important part of my FA journey. Not being able to say it at all, even behind tw, feels like it makes this place less safe for me. I understand the need for tw, and I understand that it may be that the benefit of this policy is great enough that the cost that I feel a little silenced in the same way that fat phobic people silence me is an acceptable one.

I am just curious why it's okay to talk about other potential triggers if they are properly concealed and warned but not about size.
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The_Other_Alice
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Re: Fat acceptance vs. rules

Post by The_Other_Alice »

I completely understand! I've had the same experience - actually knowing and being more comfortable saying 'this is my weight' has been a big part of feeling more comfortable in my skin.

Our reasoning is basically that we want to make this a safer space for those with discomfort or disorders surrounding weight, and having a hard line of 'no, seriously, no specific descriptors of weight in this space' is a big part of that. There's not really a clear cut 'reason' (ie. some sort of Science Reason or anything) why that is, but it is something we're pretty committed to. There are other things we don't allow here: for example, you can't use certain language unless you're quoting, and even then we prefer people to not use certain words unless absolutely necessary.

As is often the case with these things, this space can't serve as all things to all people, so while I absolutely get why using numbers is sometimes a liberating thing, it's not something we can host here.

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Jane_the_chicken
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Re: Fat acceptance vs. rules

Post by Jane_the_chicken »

SorchaRei, I just wanted to comment that while I get why the space has this rule, I appreciate your stance and wish I had more spaces where actual disclosure was a reasonably safe thing for me to do.
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Redheadedtwit
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Re: Fat acceptance vs. rules

Post by Redheadedtwit »

I think some of it surrounds how folks attach meaning to numbers and how numbers can very quickly lead to judgement and spirals into the black hole that is internet arguments.
If person A says, "oh dear! I am so overweight! Woe is me I am X lbs over my ideal weight*!" person B could easily become offended and reply that they are X+35 lbs over THEIR ideal weight* and life is SO MUCH harder for them and person A shouldn't be complaining. Person C could be sitting there thinking "Wow! What a bunch of fat jerks! I could never imagine being X lbs over my ideal weight*!"

I feel like I have a keen understanding of how much numbers can cause folks to freak out. I am fairly tall and since high school have had a large chest. When girls in my HS talked about weight it was very clear that there was a certain number on the scale that once crossed it t meant you were TW body shaming GROSS HUGE OMG SO FATTTTT. Now...sure...... if you are of medium or short height and petite, that dreaded number might be quite a lot higher than what is an ideal weight*. However for me, it was never very far away, and when I crossed it I was horribly upset. In fact I just kind of gave up for the next couple years. Cause you know, once you cross that boundary you are TW body shaming GROSS HUGE OMG SO FATTTTT! so why bother trying? Pass the Fritos plz.

Now I know that there is no magic white line that you hop over to become fat.
I think excluding numbers is difficult, but it helps keep us focused on the issues that our fellow forum members are bringing forward without any judgement or internalization.

I have started to try to claim my fatness, and it is being met with resistance on all sides, so I totally understand your wanting to claim your number.

*I am using the phrase "ideal weight" bc so many other words or terms are problematic and "ideal weight" is purposefully vague.

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sullieseeburg
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Re: Fat acceptance vs. rules

Post by sullieseeburg »

I am really glad this conversation is happening. I appreciate why the rules are in place, and I am not lobbying for them to be changed, but it's nice to know others are thinking about this too.

Redheadedtwit, like you describe, when I was growing up, my mother had her Current Weight, and her Ideal Weight, and her OMG PANIC Weight. I learned very young (like 5) that some numbers are good and other numbers are bad. I am still learning to not be upset at numbers.
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Redheadedtwit
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Re: Fat acceptance vs. rules

Post by Redheadedtwit »

Sullie, now that I think about it, I bet ideas around weight started a lot earlier. Before even middle school I can remember seeing my mother naked or in her underwear thinking that she was gross& wobbly and fat. I doubt I came to that conclusion on my own.

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Re: Fat acceptance vs. rules

Post by KillerWombat »

One thing I always used to wonder about years ago was the curiously low weight of beauty contestants. Here would be these tall young women, slim but not emaciated in any way, yet their stated weight seemed far too low for what their frame size seemed. I was a slim and very fit runner/x-country skier at the time, and weighed a LOT more than them, despite being in the same height range.
Then one day I was volunteering for a 10k race, got talking to another volunteer who had some sort of connection to beauty pageants (can't remember what, exactly) and she said that she knew for a fact that they were lying about their weight, sometimes cutting as much as [amount] off the actual number. So if these women, who were held up as the epitome of feminine pulchritude, felt it necessary to make themselves seem lighter than they really were, what hope was there for the rest of us?
Last edited by mooocow on Wed Dec 09, 2015 2:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: removed numbers related to body size

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mooocow
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Re: Fat acceptance vs. rules

Post by mooocow »

mod note:
KillerWombat, I edited your post to remove specific numbers related to weight. Please don't use specific numbers regarding weight or body sizes on this forum.

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