Thoughts on giving advice in Jedi Hugs
Posted: Tue Sep 16, 2014 8:33 am
Hey, y'all!
This is a quick reminder that offering advice in Jedi Hugs is a no go.
We haven't seen many people outright giving advice. That's good, but these ”send me a PM if you want, I've got thoughts” comments aren't much better. Getting advice when you are asking for support is stressful. Oftentimes the advice itself is something you've already considered and rejected. It reopens all these ”but maybe!” thought spirals and feeds the jerkbrain. It can easily lead an OP to go ”but what if they do have some magical idea” and then they don't and yeah, se above about dashed hopes and jerkbrain.
People posting in Jedi Hugs have made a decision. They didn't just stumble here. In all likelihood they've tried practically everything within reason and in these cases when someone persists in giving advice it becomes more about the advice-giver feeling good and helpful rather than respecting the OP. It's well-meaning but ultimately hurtful and undermining.
It's also boundary pushing. This is the one place on FOCA where advice isn't allowed. That's not going to change. When people post here that means they've made the decision that they don't want advice. Asking them again, practically going ”are you sure, are you really sure?” is crappy behaviour.
In summation: no more "I've got thoughts, send me a PM if you want". No more advice under a TW! Yes to respecting the autonomy of your fellow members.
Are you a poster going ”well, I mostly want hugs but I'll take advice as well” ?
Then Jedi Hugs isn't for you. We have a great I Need Help-board full of love and ideas. It's okay to change your mind, but if you do, please report your post and ask to have it moved. We will be happy to do so!
This is a quick reminder that offering advice in Jedi Hugs is a no go.
We haven't seen many people outright giving advice. That's good, but these ”send me a PM if you want, I've got thoughts” comments aren't much better. Getting advice when you are asking for support is stressful. Oftentimes the advice itself is something you've already considered and rejected. It reopens all these ”but maybe!” thought spirals and feeds the jerkbrain. It can easily lead an OP to go ”but what if they do have some magical idea” and then they don't and yeah, se above about dashed hopes and jerkbrain.
People posting in Jedi Hugs have made a decision. They didn't just stumble here. In all likelihood they've tried practically everything within reason and in these cases when someone persists in giving advice it becomes more about the advice-giver feeling good and helpful rather than respecting the OP. It's well-meaning but ultimately hurtful and undermining.
It's also boundary pushing. This is the one place on FOCA where advice isn't allowed. That's not going to change. When people post here that means they've made the decision that they don't want advice. Asking them again, practically going ”are you sure, are you really sure?” is crappy behaviour.
In summation: no more "I've got thoughts, send me a PM if you want". No more advice under a TW! Yes to respecting the autonomy of your fellow members.
Are you a poster going ”well, I mostly want hugs but I'll take advice as well” ?
Then Jedi Hugs isn't for you. We have a great I Need Help-board full of love and ideas. It's okay to change your mind, but if you do, please report your post and ask to have it moved. We will be happy to do so!