Non-harrassment problems with other users

Got an idea to help make this a better place?
Posts: 845
Joined: Mon Oct 12, 2015 8:29 am
Location: UK

Non-harrassment problems with other users

Post by mossyone »

I feel almost worried to say this because I don't know if it is appropriate. :(

A few weeks ago I was upset by a user on this forum during a discussion, where I did not think that they read my posts properly before saying some things that were very hurtful, things that are still on my mind right now. But I didn't know how to address them right then and there and didn't want to derail the thread I myself had set up to talk about a subject. I also didn't want to private message that user as I felt it would be too confrontational. (I didn' t want the horrible stressful feeling of logging onto this site and having to see what they had written back, especially as they had shown they were not reading carefully what I was saying before replying.) Finally I certainly did not want to name the user to any other forum users when asking for, say, support for what happened in the Jedi Hugs forum, but I also didn't want to write about it in Jedi Hugs with any obvious details that would identify the user to themselves (they are all over this forum). I ended up with a post in that forum that was so short and nonspecific that it got barely any responses and as I couldn't tell anyone what was really going on I didn't feel any better. I feel miserable that this place where I come for support I now have a problem on, and I want to come here for help with it but I can't talk about at all.

I wonder if there could be a way when this kind of thing happens of privately telling a designated mod about the user and what they did, and maybe they could keep an eye on that user to see if it will be a repeating problem with their behaviour towards others? I know technically we can inbox mods at any time but I don't know who to start with for that. I don't want to appear to be spreading drama and I also don't want to be a bother. If there was a designated mod (or mods) for this purpose that people knew about then that could help.

User avatar
Posts: 2369
Joined: Mon Sep 09, 2013 2:07 pm
Pronouns: she, her
Gender: female
Location: Cambridge, UK

Re: Non-harrassment problems with other users

Post by The_Other_Alice »

Hi, mossyone. I'm really sorry that happened, I sympathise!

You are always always welcome to report a post. So in this instance I would have (would still? You're welcome to do it now!) recommended you report the post that made you feel upset and we can take a look and check it doesn't violate rules. Even if it doesn't, we can then be aware that this has happened before and keep a look out for a pattern. Please don't feel you're creating trouble or anything has to be a certain amount of bad before you ask for some advice! If nothing else a second pair of eyes and a reassurance can be a wonderful thing.

Posts: 221
Joined: Mon Dec 16, 2013 6:52 am
Location: UK

Re: Non-harrassment problems with other users

Post by Manticore »

Hey mossyone, I'm really sorry that happened. If seeing that user on the forums is upsetting for you you can hide their posts by going to their profile and adding them as a 'Foe'. I've done it for a user whose posts I generally found upsetting to read and as far as I can tell they have no idea. I can still see if they've posted on a thread but unless I choose to I don't have to see what it is they wrote. I hope that helps some.

User avatar
Posts: 3631
Joined: Sun Sep 08, 2013 11:54 am
Pronouns: He/Him
Gender: FTM

Re: Non-harrassment problems with other users

Post by M.J. »

Hi Mossyone,

Dealing with interpersonal conflict can be difficult and stressful! In the past when similar issues have cropped up we have recommended the following:

A. PM that user for clarification if you are able, otherwise,

B. PM or report the post to the mods. Like Alice said it doesn't matter if the post is old, asking is always okay!

C. As pointed out by Manticore, you can use the "foe" function to hide a person's post at your discretion and later remove that person from your foe list when you're feeling better.

D. Step away from the boards for a bit and/or reach out to another outside source for support.

The last part is important to remember. We are happy that so many people consider this forum a rich source of community and support in their lives, but it cannot be anyone's sole source of support. This is a shared space. Please be mindful of the fact that posts like these very likely will be read by the person you are having an issue with and that is a hurtful way to find out about an issue someone has with you. For this reason we are going to lock this thread.

We recognize that in the middle of dealing with an issue it might not be easy to keep all of this in mind and we are going to add a section to our FAQ about how to deal with interpersonal conflict resolution.

Quisty & the Admod team

I tumblr at myfairytalelogic